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In the book To Be Told, Dan Allender, Ph.D., encourages his readers to share their life stories. In some of my favorite quotes from the book, he says,
We will never come to embrace the heartache of our story until we see it profit another human being. Even then the sorrow doesn’t leave, but seeing someone benefit from our pain adds hope to that pain, and our gratitude begins to transform the past.”
“It is nearly impossible to feel someone’s pain if we do not know that person’s story.”
After reading this book, I realized that I want to share my story with you. I have not had a day or a moment without a headache in eighteen years. The last day I can remember not having a headache was my wedding day, May 25, 1991. I probably had a few days that summer without a headache, but I didn’t know then to treasure those pain-free times. Since the winter of 1992, I have felt an incessant headache, all day and all night. Fatigue constantly accompanies these headaches, and I have had to learn to live with both.
Over the years, I have had many diagnoses; however, the words we use to define ourselves are powerful and should be chosen carefully. I do not want any diagnosis to define who I am; God defines who I am.
Thank you for taking the time to read about my journey, and if you are interested in more details, they can be found in the comments section below. I am thankful that I have found true joy that is larger than my pain.
Congratulations on the one year anniversary of starting your blog. Your story encourages others to never give up hope! It is well written. Thank you for being such a significant person and most amazing daughter. I love you dearly. dad
Sara
Hey! I haven’t finished the book..but the bible study that I got involved in mid-way was reading/studying this book. I love it. I love the concept of “our story”…learning to look at our story and combining it with purpose–God’s purpose.
My story is one that I want told…still not brave enough to put it completely in words (or at least straight forward in words)…but know that someday will be written out and used in a great way!! I truly believe the things that we go through are to be used for greater purpose….I have seen part of my story used in this way…but I believe I am not done.
Thanks for sharing your story..
Susie A.
Sara,
You are a woman of great strength! I’m glad that you are sharing your story. I remember those days of feeling like my headaches defined me. It was the first thing people always asked me about, and while I appreciated their compassion, I hated that daily pain and didn’t want my association with that to overshadow the more positive elements of my life. While you continue to battle this daily pain, it does not define you (I know this because I know YOU!). It may alter the way you live, but what defines you is how you conquer it daily as you fulfill your roles as a loving wife, incredible mother, trusted friend, and a faithful follower of God.
I just hit the 20 year mark from the initial onset of my headaches. What a journey that continues to be filled with much emotion. Praying for your pain cycle to be broken as mine finally was…
Karen
If you were to meet me, you would not be able to tell by looking at me that I have health issues. I do not like to talk (or write) about my pain. It has taken me a year of blogging to even mention headaches. I am learning to “embrace my brokenness”.
I first started having headaches in college when I studied. I later found out that reading makes my headaches worse. A few weeks before my marriage, I went on a camping trip and received three tick bites. I did not have the traditional bull’s-eye rash, so it wasn’t until several years later that I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. Within the year of the tick bites, my headaches became chronic. I had started graduate school with plans to become a psychologist, but my plans were interrupted by intense pain.
Over the next seven years, I tried to live a normal life while I pursued both traditional and non-traditional healing methods. However, this was also a time of extreme spiritual growth. When I was thirty-one years old, my husband and I decided we were ready to start our family. With amazing help from God, we had three children in five years. During this time, my husband entered a Ph.D. program in psychology. My focus shifted from searching for the cause of my headaches to coping with the daily demands of life. Thankfully, we received much support from family, and those very difficult years are now behind us.
Ever since college, I have had difficulty falling asleep; I would also wake up all through the night. My theory is that the initial Lyme disease led to problems with chronic headaches, lack of sleep, muscle pain, and fatigue. Currently, I am seen by a neurologist, who is a headache specialist. He has diagnosed my headaches as cervicogenic headache (a headache that originates from the neck) with migraine. Basically, “why I have a constant headache” is a mystery that I have had to learn to accept.
A little more information about my headache and frequent migraines:
Sleep is the only thing that helps me feel a little better.
I do not take any pain medication, as I have not found any to be helpful.
Things that make my headache worse:
– Reading (more than five minutes)
– Driving
– Watching TV or movies
– Not eating regularly: (I have to eat every two to three hours)
– Stress
– Monthly hormonal changes
– Lack of sleep
These are the diagnoses I have been given in chronological order. An * is beside the diagnosis that I think are probable.
– Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
– Non-classical migraines
– TMJ
– Lyme disease (which was treated with antibiotics)*
– Fibromyalgia
– Mild sleep apnea
– Adrenal fatigue*
– Multiple Allergies; (currently taking allergy shots)*
– Idiopathic hypersomnia (excessive daytime sleepiness)
– Gluten intolerance*
– Cervicogenic headache with migraine*
Thank you for reading the comment section to find out more details about my journey. Someday, I may share more details about the emotional component. I sincerely appreciate your prayers, and I welcome your suggestions or questions.
Joy and Peace,
Sara
(updated 10.26.10)
October 2013
I have found out that I am still fighting Lyme Disease. I have undergone additional testing that shows that it is still a factor. I am now starting to treat the Lyme Disease and hopefully this will cause my constant headache to cease! 🙂
Great post to mark your one year anniversary! I think it is wonderful to share your story. I know God is definately using you for His higher purposes in the midst of your pain. You are stong in the Lord and such an inspiration to all around you. May this be the year of healing and renewal for you!! Amen and Amen.
You have explored your health issues and have a lot of questions as to why you feel the pain, but the end result is no matter why, you still feel the pain and have to cope regardless. I appreciate your story and your strength. I am amazed at the many people “out there” that understand how it feels to be in pain almost constantly. I am overwelmed to think that a stranger I pass at the grocery store may be fighting her own pain inside just like I am. I am grateful that you and I both have had support from family and friends. I am also grateful that we can support each other. Our pain is not in vain if we can help one other person- isn’t that how Jesus did it? Didn’t he look after the one? Our Father knows our pain. Jesus felt our pain in the Garden. They are very aware of us and that is just simply amazing. Bless you Sara- I look forward to getting to know you better.
Sara, I’m so glad you let all of us know some of the details of the past 18 years. What a journey. You are a great example of perserverance.
I can’t wait to hear the “rest of the story” as I know God has “plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope.” and I will be praying in this vein as long as it takes.
You are an amazing woman and I’m so very thankful to have you as my friend!
My heart goes out to you Sara. I have been very blessed in that I’ve enjoyed a mostly pain free existence, so it is always surprising and bewildering to me to hear of friends who are experience chronic pain. I can not imagine it. If I have some pain, I am miserable. So I applaud you that you find joy and ways to smile, experience peace and the life that Jesus calls us to live even through the pain. These are definitely marks of true discipleship, to praise Him anyways, love Him anyways, even when we can’t understand all the whys. By the way, I have a friend who went a horrific series of events and was in extreme pain in the hospital ER. She saw Jesus during her neediest hour and he was at the end of her bed weeping with her. I wish I or He would just make everyone hurting to feel better, but since that has not happened YET, this vision gave her strength and faith to face the incomprehensible physical and emotional pain she has suffered through still.
All of your comments have been extremely encouraging. Thank you for taking the time to write them!!!
Sara,
I love you! You are one of the strongest people I know! I pray that a time will come when you wake up pain free. Always know I’m here for you.
Love you,
Becky
HI Sara, I so enjoy talking to you – one who thinks like I do and who loves to learn of God and His ways. After our conversation about shepherd’s staff & rod, I looked up what Moses said he had in his hand. Though most English translations say “staff” the original could also be translated as “rod” –
Exodus 4:2 (Young’s Literal Translation)
2And Jehovah saith unto him, `What [is] this in thy hand?’ and he saith, `A rod;’ STrong’s #04294 (also translated staff, but in KJV more often translated Rod)
If you have a chance to listen to Derek Prince “Power of Proclamation” series, Part 2 (The Word and the Spirit) and Part 3 (The Rod of God’s Word) are REALLY interesting. He compares how Moses responded to the rod to how God wants us to respond to His Word. I like to hear his take on translations b/c he was a Cambridge scholar, fluent in Hebrew, having lived many years of his life in Jerusalem.
More interesting things I am learning after our conversation…
Renounce: Word Origin & History
renounce
c.1380, from O.Fr. renoncer, from L. renuntiare “proclaim, protest against, renounce,” from re- “against” + nuntiare “to report, announce,” from nuntius “messenger” (see nuncio).
to give up by formal declaration: to renounce a claim; disclaim, reject, disavow, deny; To give up (a title, for example), especially by formal announcement.
So let us RENOUNCE any confidence in the flesh and ourselves – do this outloud, confess the sin of self-reliance. (see Prov 28:13 in NIV)
Sara,
You are an inspiration and I am confident God will continue to work through you (with or without the pain) to be a blessing and ecnouragement to others. Thanks for your willingness to share!
Wow, Sara! I am blown away. It is amazing the grace of our God to carry us through such trials; that each day He supplies us with sufficient grace and strength to face what we need to face. I love that you are sharing your story in hopes that it will help and encourage others!
You are most definitely not defined by your headaches – you’re right, I really had no idea the intensity or duration of your hurting until I talked to you the other day and read this. I don’t know you very well, but your passion to know and love the Lord are evident and your hunger for His word is encouraging to me to live the same way.
Hi Sara, I just started to read on your Blog. I MUST return and read more! I am amazed at your strength and ashamed of my ‘wimpiness.’ You see I have had headaches of varying degrees of pain and lengths of time over the past 3 years. Not regular headcahes, but sudden, harsh crashing ones. They returned last Sunday w/o notice and persisted until Friday. I believe in the power of prayer and Jesus to heal today. Maybe being ‘wimpy’ about pain makes me hate it all the more … in me and others. I don’t want to go much further w/o reading more about your journey. I promise to do so soon. Daniel (from freeallthree.com)
Hi Sara, I returned to your blog to try to learn more about your battle with headaches. I want to first know is how you manage to write such wonderful pieces for your blog, that is amazing. When I have periods of bad headaches, it’s hard to think of anything except myself! Distractions seem to help, but in quiet moments, there it is again. Thank God in past 2 weeks, i only had about 3 hours one evening and also a few quick ‘crashing’ hits that I just have to stop whatever I’m doing, close my eyes, until it goes away. But it’s better than the constant aches for weeks and months that I have had over past 3 years. So I thank God it seems better than at first.
In Oct, 2013 you commented re: a glimmer of hope about lyme’s disease. Any improvement since then? Questions I have: have you had MRI or cat scans? Or visited a chiropractor ? Sorry if these are rookie questions, but as an occasionally harsh headache sufferer, these are suggestions I get. My sister is a believer in chiro, but me not so much. But there is some science behind it; trick is to find a good/honest one. I know there are Christian chiros who combine their work with prayer. I do believe in prayer for healing and have experienced several healings myself and am generally very healthy. I have also witnessed physical healings/miracles over the past 30 years. So I tend to wait and stall, while praying, which drives my sister a little crazy.
My half-brother Phil got a delay last week in starting radiation/chemo. Drs. may want to do a biopsy first from brain tissue near prior surgery. He dreads that as surgery 12 years ago it was major and difficult. But he will do what he has to.
I know you said in your blog you don’t like to write ot talk about your headaches, but I’m simply asking so I know how to pray more specifically for you.
Thank you also so much for your help and support regarding the three men held in Iran today. I believe we are getting closer, but can also see how it could get sidetracked. So pray we must until it’s accomplished. When I see how the world leaders can look the other way so easily when as far as Syria is concerned, one wonders if they still have ever experienced any pain or major setbacks themselves to relate to others.
God bless you Sara, and heal you and continue to use you to bless others.
Daniel Barrett
(@freeallthree.com)
Daniel,
Thank you for your comment and questions. I appreciate your support.
Very quickly, I have had several MRI and CT scans. All that showed up was a mild bulging disk in my neck. I have seen many
chiropractors. I think they helped me stay healthy but they never helped my headache.
I will respond more later about the Lyme. I am still working on that … May God continue to bless your work to “Free ALL Three”!